If you find your social life has fallen by the wayside since your friends have coupled up then now is also a good time to not just refocus on dating but also to rebuild your social circles. If you turn up to an event or that dance class and realise that there's no 'potentials' there, instead of feeling flat use this as an opportunity to build new social links and contacts.
This will refresh your social circles with new supportive relationships of people who are on the same path as you. If you're using an online dating app it can be tempting just to think 'yes' to the person who has the job and look that you like.
Take time to look out for other indicators of compatibility. These could be how often someone messages you, and how easy you find it to chat to them: Whilst it would be strange to jump straight to poll position in someone's life, if you're always the Tuesday evening date, and the person is mysteriously never free at the weekends, watch out! Unfortunately you may encounter more people who have pre-existing relationships in your forties than you did in your twenties. A dinner date with someone you don't know can end up feeling more high pressure than romantic. Stick to lunch, a quick after work drink or a coffee in the afternoon.
This also means that you won't feel too nervous, or that you wasted time if you don't click. Sometimes it's nice if someone buys you a coffee, but don't enter dating with an expectation to always be treated.
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Happn has exposed the dating habits of over forties | Daily Mail Online
Still, you might think, the on-again, off-again dating game is overwhelming—which is true, it can be, at any age. For many of my single clients, examining and re-setting their fears and intentions around dating helps them to find enjoyment in it that they might not have felt before.
Dating can be both perplexing and hair-raising. But it can be wildly exciting, too.
Happn has exposed the dating habits of over forties
I sometimes use word association techniques with clients to bring awareness to the role that perception plays in their dating life—it illuminates how vital it is to check in with yourself. Coral, forty-two, explained that dating had left her feeling abandoned. She felt manipulated to please her male partners, and felt overly needy herself. The first word that came to mind for her when I asked her to think of the word man was power.
When I asked her to think of the word, woman? For Coral, this revealed how polarized she was going into dating and relationships. Another client, Jennifer, age forty-six, described the people she was dating as shallow—players who valued looks over connection. In contrast to Coral, though, Jennifer herself also identified with the word power. On the front of the card is the subject you want to examine: When you flip it over, there will be one word on the back.
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